


Nightcall

by sugarwoods



Category: Sideshow - Fandom
Genre: Brief Mention of Suicide, FTM Reader, Gen, Happy Thanksgiving, Sideshow - Freeform, criken - Freeform, disown me, i can't write, keenan mosimann - Freeform, night drives, overreacting reader, trans reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 17:38:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16706956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarwoods/pseuds/sugarwoods
Summary: Tell me how you feel.There were some extra few paragraphs to this but then I lost them and I'm too lazy to rewrite it all so.If the man himself ever finds this; I am so sorry.





	Nightcall

I knock on the door of his office, "Keenan?"  
"Open up."  
I push my way inside and sit on the floor next to where he occupies his desk chair. I take a second to look at him, "You want to go for a drive?"  
"Yes, but you don't know your way around here. It's only been two weeks."  
"It's okay. I'll use the GPS if we get lost."  
Car keys in hand, we walk to the garage. I unlock my Saturn that sits patiently next to Keenan's Mustang, "You're riding shotgun. I drive." 

The radio and street sounds become white noise as we drive down a road in the middle of nowhere. It's dark as can be but I don't mind.  
Keenan is the first to speak up, "What do you think of LA so far?"  
"I don't hate it. I wish people knew how to drive better but that's my only gripe so far. I'm glad I finally stopped putting it off, it's a beautiful city."  
I leave out telling him I'm happy I came because of him. Cowardess.  
"Plus all those other YouTube people you like live out here too."  
"YouTube people? Oh you mean all your friends?" I reply jokingly.  
"That's a lie. I only know like five people well. Everyone else is just a coworker basically."  
We come to a stoplight, and for some reason it makes reality hit me in the face. I look over at him sitting next to me, his eyes watching & waiting for the light to change, when they shift to catch me. I quickly move back to focusing on the road as the light changes, attempting to act like nothing happened.

"What was that?"  
"What?"  
"You looking at me like that. What was that for?"  
"I thought I saw something out your window. Deer or something."  
"That's not going to work with me, and you know it."  
"Fine. It's nothing, Keenan, really."  
I swallow thickly and hope he'll dismiss the situation.  
"You do realize you can tell me anything, right? You don't have any reason to be afraid."  
"I know. You know what? Fine. I like you alot, okay? I like you so much Keenan. I like you so fucking much and it keeps me awake at night. The whole flight to LA I was on the verge of tears because I was so excited to see you. I'm sorry."

He stays quiet for a moment and I pray to whatever god there is that it's not for a bad reason.  
"Why did you keep it in? Were you afraid of driving me away?"  
"I don't know if it was that. I think I was scared? Didn't want to come off as too much."  
"You're never too much."  
I don't give him a reply, simply because I can't think of one. Or a good enough one, anyway. I put all my attention into the road ahead, and can't help but feel comforted with him by my side. It makes my heart feel weird, in a good way.  
One hand on the steering wheel, and the other on the gearshift out of habit, something touches my mostly preoccupied hand, his. Shit.  
I open my mouth to say something, but decide against it, letting us both feel the situation out. Another stoplight and I intertwine his fingers with mine.  
"Is this okay?" He asks quizzically, looking over at me.  
"Yes? Yes. This is okay. It's okay."  
The light turns and we drive further into the night, his hand holding mine on the gearshift somewhat uncomfortably, but I don't mind. He doesn't reply, and I don't want to let him know that I'm internally losing my mind. 

I keep repeating my own words in my head, "This is okay. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay." My heart is thumping in my ears and I'm probably not far from sensory overload. I'm overthinking it, he's okay with it, I'm okay with it. What's there to worry about?  
I move my hand from his, "I'm sorry." I mumble, putting it back on the steering wheel.  
He seems confused, "Sorry for what?"  
"This. I should've never let myself get in my feelings because it's going to ruin us. I always ruin things."  
I can tell he's looking over at me now, and I attempted to focus harder on the road to ignore it, despite wanting to willingly crash my car if it meant looking him in the face.  
"You stop that. You're not going to ruin anything, okay? I love you and you know that. It's okay, darling. I promise."

I almost scoff out loud at the nickname.

"But you're not into guys, and I'm a guy. I'm not your type. I'm annoying and I care about my interests too much. I'm a mess, Keenan. You know this. You know because I call you every night when I'm ready to end it all." 

He sighs quietly, "Did I ever tell you I /wasn't/ into guys? No."  
He doesn't address the rest of my sentence. Leaves his reply dangling in the air and my face flushes red.  
"So you're saying....? You're into-"  
He cuts me off, "Yes, I'm into guys too. I don't give a shit. And yes, I'm into you. Silly."  
I almost chuckle at his reply.  
The road is empty and mostly dark despite streetlights here and there that are on their last legs. I find one to pull over under.  
I look over at him finally, "How long?"  
"Since I met you. I know it sounds cheesy but I absolutely love how dedicated you are to what you do. Just like me. You and I are alike in so many ways and maybe you just don't realize it."  
"What about me being trans, though? Doesn't that affect this somehow?"  
"Not at all. I don't see you any different, and I never will. The others don't see you differently either, before you ask. You're you, and that's why I love you."  
I slump down into my seat, staring blankly at the steering wheel, trying to take all this in. The air in here suddenly feels so thick and I feel like I can't breathe.  
"Keenan?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Can I.. Can I kiss you?" I stutter.  
He doesn't reply verbally, but answers by leaning in and holding my face gently in his hand. Almost examining me slightly before he closes the distance fully between us and connects my lips with his.  
I swear my brain shorts out.  
It's awkward because of the center console keeping me from basically crawling into his lap, but it's enough to make me nearly disassociate. His glasses are crooked on his face and the streetlight makes all this seem like something fresh out of an 80s romance movie.  
He's good at it. Too good. I'm practically melting into him from the driver's seat and he smirks into the kiss because he knows exactly what he's doing. One hand on my face, and the other coaxes my hand into holding it again, which I comply with instantly. I whimper his name against his lips, and it causes him to pull away.  
"Keenan, I- I'm sorry. Fuck."  
"No! No no, it's okay. I was just, surprised is all."  
He smiles and pushes his glasses back up, adjusting himself in his seat.

"Let's go home and get all of this figured out."


End file.
